A woman I'll call Amy is a thirtysomething who has been happily married for six years, but for the last four and a half years, she's been using cheating site AshleyMadison. It began as cheating, but now her husband knows about it. When most of us imagine marriage, we envision a lifetime of loyalty, commitment and deepening intimacy. But sometimes life throws you a few curveballs, communication goes off the rails, people get bored with the same-old same-old, health issues arise, and if statistics are to be believed, cheating is an easy salve. While it's hard to get a handle on how common marital infidelity is, the general truism is that men cheat more than women, but women are beginning to catch up. This typically wreaks havoc on relationships, but there are more and more couples who decide not to split up after cheating, but to pursue something in the middle, social monogamy, or what Dan Savage termed "monogamish.
And traditionally, women have been blamed for that decline, with our reputed reluctance to engage willingly in sex and our ever-dwindling libidos. Here's how it tends to play out down here:. To an unfamiliar visitor from another solar system, these intertwining tropes about marriage must be confusing.
The appeal of forbidden fruit is undeniable and the temptation to lure an attached person away from their seemingly dull and apathetic relationship can be fierce. Here are a few things to consider before you attempt this risky, yet utterly erotic, feat of getting involved with a married person. That come-hither look that makes you weak in the knees? Those sexts that leave you breathless? Recycled material.